Cancer nighmare

Married for just over 13 years.......... at the end of February 2010 we were going on holiday to our house in Marloth Park together with my younges daughter and her husband. We were at home waiting for them to arrive and my husband decided to go for a walk to the local cafe just around the corner.
The phone rang just after he left and it was my elder daughter, a medical doctor, with results from a biopsy of a mole which was behind my husband’s left shoulder ........ she had to convey the bad news that it was melanoma cancer and already believed to be third degree . I immediately phoned my son and he arrived in a record time at our house even before my husband arrived back from his walk . When my husband entered and noticed the two of us in tears , his first thought was that something happened with the youngest daughter on their way to us.
I will never ever forget that day!...... We were worried about the mole and have begged my husband to have it looked at. He then agreed that my daughter should look at it . She immediately noticed that it did not look good and suggested a biopsy. The results she received were shocking and she took it to a surgeon who confirmed that it will need immediate attention . The feelings that day and the week after is difficult to describe ... total dismay , shock , disillusionment and especially fear of the unknow awaiting us. We cried so much in the few days at Marlothpark and my husband just said the thought came up "why me ? " but his answer received was "why not me ? " . He was incredibly strong with all the sadness and especially the fear that we may not be able to be get old together.
Then the nightmare of many waiting started......After a visit to the surgeon he was admitted to hospital to have the rest of the cancer tumor removed in order to determine if the tumor has spread ...... and to make it worse it was the first time in his life that my poor husband had to go into hospital for an operation .  The mole and a large portion around it was removed and we had to wait for the pathology report . It was the beginning of many times of waiting for results ...... I think the worst part was that the time it took before results was received  and we all were so anxious that just something had to be done. The result ....... the tumor has already spread to the lymph nodes under the left arm . From the large glands were then removed during the operation. We were then referred to an oncologist for cancer treatment. The oncologist send my husband for a pet scan to determine any further cancer or spreading in the body after which he would decide on treatment . The first visit to the oncologist was on March 6 but we could only get an appointment for a scan on 6 April.

Facebook post on March 7 :
Went to oncologist - melanoma has degree 3 . Petscan only Apr 6 . If further spreading found then possible 52 weeks Interferon treatment. So another rough time ahead . Please pray for Charles yet . We remain positive and believe we will win the battle.

Kanker nagmerrie....

Net oor die 13 jaar getroud .......... einde Februarie 2010 sou ons saam my jongste dogter-hulle na ons huis in Marloth Park met vakansie gaan.  Ons het by die huis vir hulle gewag en my man het besluit hy gaan gou kafee toe stap.

 

Die foon het gelui en dit was my ander dogter, ‘n mediese dokter, met resultate van ‘n biopsie van ‘n moesie agter op sy linkerskouer........ sy moes die slegte nuus oordra dat dit melanoom kanker is en reeds derde graad.  Ek het dadelik my seun gebel en hy was in ‘n rekordtyd by ons huis, selfs voor my man teruggekom het.  Toe my man instap en ons twee in trane kry was sy eerste gedagte dat daar iets met die jongste dogter-hulle gebeur het.

 

Ek sal daardie dag nooit in my lewe vergeet nie...... ons was al ‘n ruk bekommerd oor die moesie en met baie gesoebat het hy ingestem dat my dogter daarna moet kyk.  Sy het dadelik gesien dat dit nie goed lyk nie en biopsie voorgestel.  Die resultate was skokkend vir haar en sy het dit na ‘n sjirurg geneem wat terugvoering gegee het.  Die gevoelens die dag en die week daarna kan ek nie beskryf nie...totale verslaentheid, skok, ontnugtering en veral vrees vir die onbekende wat wag. Ons het so baie gehuil in die paar dae in Marlothpark en my man het net gese dat hy gedink het “hoekom ek?” en die antwoord wat hy gekry het was “hoekom nie ek nie?”.  Hy was ongelooflik sterk saam met al die hartseer en veral die vrees dat ons dalk nie saam sal kan oud word nie.

Daarna het die groot nagmerrie van baie wag veral begin..... Eers na die sjirurg wat hom toe in die hospitaal opgeneem het om die res van die kanker gewas te verwyder om vas te stel of daar enige verspreiding is......en die was die eerste keer wat my arme man in sy hele lewe in ‘n hospitaal was vir ‘n operasie.  ‘n Groot blok om die moesie is uitgesny en ons moes vir die  patologie verslag wag.  Dit was die begin van baie wag vir uitslae......ek dink die ergste deel want elke keer was die wag lank en dit terwyl ons almal so angstig was dat daar net met iets begin moet word.  Die uitslag.......daar is reeds verspreiding na die limfkliere onder die linkerarm.  Van die groot kliere is tydens die operasie verwyder.

 

Ons is verwys na n onkoloog vir kankerbehandeling. Eerstens moes my man vir vir 'n "pet scan" gaan om vas te stel of daar enige verdere verspreiding is en dan sal op behandeling besluit word.  Eerste besoek aan onkoloog was op 6 Maart en kon eers afspraak kry vir 'scan' op 6 April.

 

 

Facebook boodskap op 7 Maart:

Was na onkoloog - melanoom reeds graad 3. Petscan 6 Apr. As verder versprei behandeling daarvolgens anders 52 weke Interferon behandeling. Dus nog rowwe tydjie voor. Bid asb nog vir Charles. Ons bly positief en glo ons sal die stryd wen.

Charles & Laura (English)

Charles & Laura : I was very blessed to have 16 years to be married to the most wonderful, dear man on earth ...... my husband Charles passed away on the 24^th  April 2012 due to melanoma cancer. I lost my best friend, my husband, my lover, my children's 'second' dad, my grandchildren's 'grandad Charles' .......

Our story is quite unique ........ in our first marriages we very good family friends, already from 1971.  We never gave it a thought that we will get together when older. We were both divorced when we were invited to a birthday party and supposed to go each with other friends.  At the last moment the friends on both sides decided not to attend and Charles firstly phoned wanting to attend with our group of friends.  On hearing that the friends are also not attending he asked me to attend with him as we are both on our own.  It turned out to be a wonderful evening and afterwards him and his daughter, who lived together, invited me and my youngest daughter for dinner one evening......then dinner at our place and soon we realised that we felt very attracted to each other.   I then invited him for Valentines dinner as it was leap year.

In May he invited me on holiday to the Kgalagadi wildlife reserve together with his mom and sister.  It was a wonderful holiday and we then realised that we want to be together for life.

On our return we asked the consent of our children and after dating for 6 months we got married on the 2nd August ......the start of a very happy marraige!!

My husband was very popular as he was such a wonderful man ..... an uncut diamond with so much compassion and love for all with whom he came into contact. Everyone was important to him no matter what their position, race or color was. And it was not just me who said so ..... all the children and grandchildren loved him because he gave everything at all times, always in interested in everyone's whereabouts and doings and loved everyone unconditionally . Our minister said at the funeral that Charles had the characteristics of Jesus and everyone agreed to this. 

 










 

Charles & Laura :  Ek was baie geseënd om bykans 16 jaar getroud te wees met die wonderlikste, dierbaarste man op aarde......  my man Charles is op 24 April 2012 oorlede agv melanoom kanker. Ek het my beste vriend, my man, my minnaar, my kinders se "tweede" pa, my kleinkinders se "oupa Charles" verloor.......
Ons storie is nogal uniek........ ons was in ons eerste huwelike baie goeie huisvriende reeds vanaf 1971 en het nooit gedink ons sal eendag as ons ouer is bymekaar uitkom nie.  Ons was albei reeds geskei toe ons een aand na 'n verjaarsdagparty genooi is, beide saam met ander vriende wat toe op die laaste nipper nie meer wou gaan nie.  Hy het my toe gevra of ons nie saam na die funksie kan gaan aangesien ons albei alleen is.  Dit was 'n wonderlike aand van baie lekker gesels en daarna het hy my en my jongste dogter wat by my gebly het uitgenooi om by hom en sy dogter te kom eet......dit het gelei tot heen en weer kuier en saam eet en ons het baie gou besef dat ons baie aangetrokke voel tot mekaar. Ek het hom toe op Valentynsdag uitgenooi aangesien dit skrikkeljaar was.
In Mei het hy my uitgenooi om saam hom, sy ma en sy suster met vakansie te gaan na die Kgalagadi wildreservaat.  Dit was 'n heerlike vakansie en ons het daar besluit dat ons vir altyd saam wil wees.

 

 

Ons het "kinders-gevra en is na net 6 maande saam op 2 Augustus 1996 getroud.......dit was die begin van 'n wonderlike en baie gelukkige huwelik!!

    

My man was baie geliefd omdat hy so 'n wonderlike mens was.....'n ongeslypte diamant met soveel empatie en liefde vir almal met wie hy in aanraking gekom het. Almal was vir hom belangrik maak nie saak wat hulle stand, ras of kleur was nie.  En dit was nie net ek wat so gese het nie.....al die kinders en kleinkinders was mal oor hom omdat hy alles gegee het te alle tye, altyd in almal se doen en late belanggestel het en sonder voorbehoud vir almal lief was.  Ons dominee het met die begrafnis gese dat hy die karaktertrekke van Jesus het en dit is deur almal wat hom ken beaam.